


A Crow's Broken Wing

by Kazuya_Akiyama



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: KageHina - Freeform, M/M, Please Don't Hate Me, Rape, Rape/Non-con Elements, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Violence, karasuno boys, please be cautios
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-08
Updated: 2015-03-01
Packaged: 2018-02-08 00:16:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1919541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kazuya_Akiyama/pseuds/Kazuya_Akiyama
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Who would have expected that this young boy of happiness was about to go through hell. Hinata now wished that he would have taken his usual route home.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Taking A Different Route

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: This Story contains graphic violence and Non-con. Which means rape. Later on in the story there is self- harm and self-hatred. I hope that I did not offend any victims in making this but this story has to start somewhere.

Chapter 1

Hinata brought both his hands up and cupped them around his mouth gently blowing his warm breath into them. He rubbed both his hands up and down his arms as a gust of wind blew gently, a shiver running down his spine. He walked silently along the paved road in the cold night cursing himself for not remembering to bring his Karasuno Jersey jacket.

As he walked home after a long day of practice he decides to take a different route to his house, not having the energy to climb over the towering hill. Hinata clutched his bag as he made his way through the empty streets, trying not to focus on the eerie silence it seemed to have. He walked quickly and quietly wanting to reach his house as soon as possible as he started to feel an unpleasant feeling settling at the pit of his stomach, he now wished that he would have taken up kageyama's offer of spending the night at his place, but the boy brushed it off saying he needed to help his mother with something when in fact he had already made plans that night to stay up and enjoy playing a new video game he had gotten from his dear friend Kenma.

Hinata's uneasiness began to grow each second that passed as he felt as if someone was watching him from a far. His heart pounded; slamming against the walls of his chest with such intensity he was sure it would break a rib. He tried to ignore it, concentrating only on putting one foot in front of the other but each time his sneakers scraped the pavement he was sure it was the sound of a pursuer.

He entered a narrowed alleyway and was immediately strucked by its disgusting stench that it seemed to emit. He threw a glance over his shoulder, and the shadows produced by the moonlight danced on the walls of the alleyway, forming creatures he dared not look in the face. He felt like screaming, crying, running, anything to get out of this alley, out of the dark. He bit back the shriek that swelled at the back of his throat, as he heard the sound of heavy boots hitting the ground beneath a few feet behind him. He brought his hands to his neck, trying to work it down, but he couldn't steady them long enough to do much of anything.

A tear track of sweat slid behind his ear, though he could almost guarantee it was the caress of death. He started to walk faster, even though it made more noise, and noise wasn't something he could handle at the moment. A feeling of dread crept up from the pit of his stomach; a cold wave embalmed him as the hairs rose on the back of his neck and his mouth ran dry. He trembled with fright, the menacing aura he felt behind him made him want to crawl in a hole in hopes of being hidden.

His knees shook with each step he took, he felt as though in any second he would collapse from the overwhelming fear he felt. This was the first time the oranged haired boy felt so terrified that he couldn’t even fight back as he was afraid of the things that would happen to him. No matter how fast he walked he felt as though this alleyway had no end to it. In his vision, the alley stretched out forever disappearing in the darkness leaving only the brightly lit moon up above to shine brightly. His breath stopped for a moment as he felt a presence behind him, he knew at that moment that it was already too late to run and prepared himself for what was about to come.

Hinata made a pained sound as he was thrown harshly against the murky wall of the alleyway, his back arching forward at the sudden pain. He stood up shakily, keeping a hand on the wall as he looked over to where a shadow was beginning to come near him. The dark figure loomed over him, his face being hidden beneath a dark hood leaving only the bottom half of his face to be revealed.The young boy let out a whimper as his wrists were caught in a tight grip, he struggled to break free but the more he resisted the more pressure was put on his wrists. Hinata’s whole body shook as he was backed up against the wall furthermore, tears welled up at the corner of his eyes and he found himself unable to call for help.

“Hello there, little birdie” the taller of the two muttered, grasping hinata’s arms in one hand while the other reached up to remove his hood.The man’s voice was deep and it frightened him.

Hinata shivered in his place as the man then continued to softly caress his face with his free hand. The young boy cringed, his tears finally falling down his face as he knew what this was leading up to. He bit down on his bottom lip to keep the cries from coming out as he felt the man’s rough hands slide down towards his neck and collarbone. Hinata panicked as the hand went to grasp his neck fully giving it a quick squeeze.

He watched through wide terrified eyes as the man bent forward and whispered hotly in his ear “Does the little birdie speak?”

Being too afraid to answer he simply swallowed loudly, not answering the man’s question. His heart raced as he felt the hand tightening around his neck each passing second making it hard to breathe.

This is it, he thought. I’m going to die here in this dirty alleyway by the hands of this man. The thought made hinata sob out loud. He didn’t want this. He didn’t want any of this. He parted his lips; his need for breath becoming greater as he struggled to form words.

“…S…Sto-..p” he choked out. His vision starting to go blurry from the lack of air.

“Ohh?” the man questioned a smile on his face. “So the little birdie does talk!” he exclaimed enthusiastically, loosening his hold on the boy.

Hinata gasped sucking in as much air as he possibly could.

“My name’s Aoi” the man whispered hotly against his cheek, sliding his hand down and cupping the boy’s groin before harshly tugging on his shorts and pulling them down. Hinata cried out and shivered as the lower half of his body was exposed to the night’s cold air. Hinata struggled even more and he fought to break free from the man’s strong grip. He wished he would have just gone through his usual route now. Maybe this wouldn’t have happen if he did.

He just wanted to go home.

Hinata opened his mouth to say something, to protest his discomfort, but it only came out as a garbled sound that made the other laugh and speak.

“You’re a pretty thing and I can’t wait! I wonder if you’ll scream.” He said sadistically tugging on the younger boy’s crotch painfully.

The boy cried harder this time feeling completely useless. He was disgusted at the older man for what he was about to do, but most of all he was angry at himself for not being able to fight back or do anything.

“Whoa, would you look at that!” Aoi mouthed into his neck. “You’re already hard! What a slut” he said and that remark made hinata cringe, he didn’t like being called that.

And it was true. He was almost hard and that made him sick. Did he secretly like this? How could he?

Once again, Aoi tugged roughly at the boy’s crotch, which made hinata want to scream. Stop, he tried to force out of his mouth, but instead two fingers were forcefully shoved inside his mouth. He tried biting but instead it pressed down on his tongue, thrusting deep into his throat almost making him gag.

The world blurred as Aoi spun hinata around by the shoulders and slammed him against the building, his face pressed against the disgusting wall and his hard cock rubbed painfully against brick walls as Aoi pressed himself up against him. He shuddered as a warm hand reached down below and pulled apart his bare ass. Hinata wanted to scream so badly but all that came out was a muffled whimper.

“Eager now aren’t we, little birdie” Aoi laughed huskily.

Then, something slightly wet and completely foreign pushed into him and he stood still for a moment before trying to squirm away and relieve himself from the pain he felt down there. Aoi’s fingers were inside him and he felt fear, and then soon enough another finger was pushed into him. Hinata didn’t know how much more of this he could take before he finally breaks.

Why wasn’t he trying to fight back? He should be able to get this guy off of him; he knew he could if he tried hard enough-

The fingers were gone, and he felt something hard being pressed against his back. Hinata heard the sound of a zipper being unzipped and pants falling down to the floor as the sound echoed throughout the abandoned alleyway. Soon enough he felt an arm snake around his waist, lifting him off from the ground.

There was a long pause.

Something much larger than Aoi’s fingers was forcefully shoved into him, tearing through resisting muscles without hesitation. Hinata let out an agonizing scream as his whole body racked with pain. Pain. The pain tore through his entire small body and he felt like someone had split him in half down the middle.

A single thrust and oh god was there nothing but pain. He screamed and shrieked with each continuing thrust as the taller man went faster and harder.

Aoi leaned down and muttered in his ear “It’s a little rough at first, but with a bit of blood it’ll be easier” Hinata could do nothing but sob and as he let the taller man continue on doing shameful things to his body.

He could vaguely hear himself begging him to be released, for him to stop. A strangled whimper escaped from his throat; he could feel Aoi inside of him, his hand gripping tightly on to his left side. He thrusted in and out, taking everything that Hinata had and destroying it, shattering him into a thousand pieces.

Hinata felt sick. He wanted to throw up but there was no time for it because the thrust became more frantic, going faster and harder as the pain skyrocketed.

And soon enough, Aoi came inside him.

After a moment, Aoi roughly pulled out of the smaller boy. The sudden movement tore him open all over again, but it was the slosh of semen dripping out of him that truly made him sick. Hinata’s wrists were released and he fell on his knees feeling numb all over, crying hysterically.

“I hope we could do this again sometime, little birdie” he could hear him say before laughing sadistically.

The taller man watched as the younger boy crawled towards his shorts. “Tch” he said with an annoyed expression, kicking the boy away from his shorts and continuing to kick him.

Hinata laid on the ground, his shorts laying a few feet away and feeling pain everywhere. He watched as Aoi stumbled back towards the tip of the alley, turning around and waving goodbye to him before he was fully gone.

He realized with growing horror that he had came as it was cooling between his thighs. Hinata hated the thought that he was forced to succumb to his own pleasure, although he didn’t want it. Aoi’s face burned into hinata’s mind, he wouldn’t be able to forget that face for the rest of his life after the horrific things he’s done to him.

His stomach churned and he turned to the side to empty the contents of his stomach, the foul stench making its way up to his nose. He wanted to die. He realized this when he pushed himself away from the mess with his weak arms.

He felt pathetic. He put himself in this mess. He felt disgusting and god did he want to disappear. He curled into a ball and the slight movement managed to trigger the jagged pains along the lower half of his body. Hot tears fell from behind closed eyes, and he choked, taking comfort in the fetal position he was in.

He listened to the quite chirping of birds and the gentle blowing of the breeze. Hinata remembered that there was a world outside of this alley where Aoi had-

Then suddenly hinata had the intense desire to get as far away as possible, to get away from this place, to see his mother, his sister and know that that they were safe and warm inside their loving house.

It was only by relying on the strength to see his loving family that he managed to get up on his feet. He panted for breath as he immediately sagged against the alley wall. Every single movement he made sent bolts of agony racing down his body.

He was very exhausted to where he wanted to lay down and never wake up again. But if he did that he’d never see his dear friends again. It was enough to motive the small boy as he pulled up his shorts, trying his hardest to ignore the searing pain each movement brought.

He began his long journey home, limping the whole way.


	2. Finally Home.

Hinata staggered on his journey back home occasionally stopping to catch his breath and then walking quickly again afraid that Aoi would come back to torture him more. He would flinch at every noise he heard and his breathing would pick up each time he passed a dark corner or spot, as if his tormentor was waiting there in the shadows for the moment hinata would lower his guard so he could attack him again.

The young boy knew all too well than to think about the pain unless he wanted to give up the control he had over his feet where he would collapse and his mind would shatter into a million pieces. He hadn't even noticed that he had arrived at his house until his key was turning in the lock and he opened the door to find the house quiet and completely dark. He slumped against the door frame relief flooding his body. He was home, he was finally home.

He quietly walked inside locking the door behind him; it must have been around 1 in the morning when he arrived at his house. There was no ‘Welcome home’ from his sweet gentle mother or any pitter patter of small feet running around from his adorably obnoxious little sister, and honestly he was glad. Had they seen him right now in this state they would already know that something bad must have happened to him based on his tattered clothes and his pained face. He didn’t want them to see him like this. They didn’t need to know about anything that happened to him that night. He would keep it to himself, he didn’t want to concern his mom, and his little sister was far too young to even understand the situation he had been through. So he will shut his lips tight, not uttering a word to anyone about this, he will continue living his days acting as if nothing had happened. He will try his hardest to get back to normal, to return to the time before he was forcefully taken.

He nodded slowly to himself, calmer now that he had a plan, a goal. His mother, his sister or any of his friends would never need to know of this. They could stay like they are now, happy, safe and innocent. Even though he himself was flawed, stained and unworthy of their trust. And everything would be fine, he would make it fine.

He took a shaky uneven step into the room, and quickly turned back to make sure he had locked the door. The lock seemed so much flimsy than it had ever seemed in the past. He wondered if it could actually hold up to an intruder that really wanted to come in. He fought the urge to barricade the door and decided that the lock would be enough.

He took in a deep breath as he observed the quite room; he was so familiar with the living room seeing as he’s been here every day in his life. He should feel like home, should feel safe, but instead he felt like an outsider. Like a foreign contaminant that was a danger in polluting the warm place of his home.

He felt dirty, so dirty. His skin itched.

First he had to get up those stairs. Each step was done gingerly, but quietly without even the slight whimper of pain. The black dots danced behind his vision, blooming briefly then disappearing just as quickly with each pause to rest. He forced his legs to move him up until finally he had reached the last step. Hinata stumbled blindly towards the bathroom where had stood earlier that morning, getting ready for school without a care in the world. Soon he was inside and locked the door behind him with shaky hands.  
He stood in the middle of his bathroom, his back turned towards the mirror as he was afraid of looking at himself and to see the mess he had become. He pulled the shower curtains to the side and reached down to turn the knob, setting the water at an extremely hot temperature. He stood back up again looking down at his clothes which were stained and dirtied.

He started with his shirt, clasping the bottom on both sides and slowly pulling up and getting it over his head. He threw the shirt across the small bathroom and watched as it slid down the wall. He then kicked off his shoes and removed his socks throwing them where he had thrown the shirt. All that was left were his shorts and with shaky hands he pulled them down, letting them drop to his ankles. He stepped out of them feeling disgusted and kicked it away from him.

Clean, he thought. He just wanted to be cleaned.

At this point the bathroom had somewhat fogged up due to the hot water still running. He jumped into the shower and flinched as the boiling hot water rained on him, his skin turning a bright red. He reached out for the bar of soap and clutched it hard as he started to harshly scrub at his skin until his legs gave out. He fell down with a ‘thump’ and just laid there in a fetal position, the water still pouring down at him.

He thought about how filthy he was and no matter how many times he washes himself he’ll always be stained. He felt disgusted, worthless and dirty. He bit down on his bottom lip as a sob was threatening to come out, his tears mixing in with the water.

He grabbed the bar of soap again and it slipped away but he really needed it badly, so despite the sharp spark of fire that nipped at his lower torso he chased it desperately with grasping fingers. Hinata rubbed his skin raw; raking his dull fingernails from his arms to his chest until he arrived at the place where he wanted to ignore. He wanted to pretend it wasn’t there, but the urge to clean was much more stronger than the urge to forget so he slowly and cautiously reached back, wincing in pain as he came in contact with the torn up skin. He quickly retracted his fingers and stared at it, there was a pinkish mixture that washed away under the spray of water before he realized what it was. It was blood and cum.

He was bleeding down there and although it shouldn’t have been a surprise it still shocked him. He sat there unmoving as the now cold water fell on him; he stared at the drain and watched as the blood was washed away into the pipes. Hinata wished he could have peeled off his own skin and let it drain down there too.

Hinata’s eyes began to feel heavy and he had trouble focusing on the task at hand. He couldn’t sleep yet, he still felt dirty, and he still felt disgusting! As much as he wanted to stay in the shower overnight cleaning himself over and over again he knew he couldn’t, his mother would know that something was wrong and would question him. He shut off the water, struggling to keep his eyes opened and stepped out into the cold air of his bathroom. He dried his brutalized body with shaky hands and tried his hardest to ignore the pain with each movement he made. He wrapped his towel securely over his body and opened the door, peering down the dark hallway as to make sure no one was there waiting to attack him.

He quickly walked to his room, shutting the door quietly behind him and locking it. His eyes racked over his room, hit was clean, organized and dark. Very dark. Hinata blindly searched his wall for the light switch, a relieved sigh slipping past his lips as the room lit up. He walked over to his dresser and put on not one, not two, but three shirts, a sweater and two pairs of sweatpants, and turned the light off before he crawled into bed. He tried to take comfort in the warmth and softness oh his blankets, he tried to pretend he felt safe, but he didn’t.

He didn’t think he would ever feel safe again, and belatedly, he didn’t think he’d be able to sleep peacefully again. The pain burned with an intense ache radiating from his insides, how could he possibly sleep like this?

But he did after that thought and he dreamt.

\----

That same night he awoke from his nightmare his body feeling as though it was on fire, he was sweating and gasping for air as he clutched at his chest, his eyes roaming wildly across the dark room for any signs of an intruder. He forced himself to calm down once he realized that no one was in his room. It took him 5 minutes to regain his breathing at a steady pace and once he had he laid back down and stared up at the ceiling. His mind was blank and he didn’t know how much time had passed from staying in this position. He turned his head to the left his eyes squinting at the brightly lit numbers of his clock on his bedside table.

6:37 A.M.

He sighed and sat back up he figured he wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep. Or maybe it wasn’t that he couldn’t, it was that he was too afraid to. He was scared of re-living that moment again in his dreams.

Hinata forced himself to his feet and stumbled towards the door, fumbling briefly with the lock. He walked as quietly and quickly as he could without limping towards the bathroom, causing him to stagger a bit from the intense pain he felt running up his back. Once the bathroom door was closed and locked behind him again he paused to breathe, leaning against the wood door. He began pulling off his many layers of sweat-dampened clothes and wondered how he got them on so easily. Once the pain subsided after a few minutes he considered taking the next step needed to get him under the heat of the shower when he made the biggest mistake of glancing at the mirror.

He quickly looked away, his stomach feeling uneasy again. He was lucky that there was no bruising on his face, that would have made it impossible for him to hide, but he could see the horrible splotches of blue-purple and black bruises littering his torso. Without thinking he ran a hand over them but recoiled just as quickly, imagining Aoi’s own pressing hands on him again, his unforgiving foot slamming against him again and again.

Hinata sank to the floor, his eyes screwed shut and his hands reached up to cover his ears. Calm, he needed to remain calm. He took slow intakes of breaths, or at least tried to, but something was wedged down his throat and it was choking him, making it impossible to breathe.

His skin itched again. He needed a shower.

He crawled towards the shower, and almost jumped away had it not been the pain that was holding him there. Just about a foot away from his face was his clothes lying messily on the floor. He didn’t want to touch it because it was dirty and he felt that touching it would make him even dirtier than he already was. But the practical thing to do was to dispose of it. He knew he couldn’t leave it here, his mom would find it eventually and she would ask questions, so he reluctantly snatched it up and struggled to dump it beside the toilet, out of his sight for the mean time.

He turned on the shower again, making it go as hot as it could and spent the next several minutes clawing desperately at his skin before moving to grasp the bar of soap. He scrubbed himself raw at least four times but by the fifth time he still didn’t feel clean. The bar of soap dissolved in his hands by his seventh washing.

He stared at his empty redden hands and tried to resist the urge to run out and turn the house upside down for more. So he tried focusing on disposing those soiled clothes without his mom or natsu suspecting anything.

He got out of the shower, dried himself as quickly as he could without looking too much at his repulsive body. He settled for wearing one shirt, a sweater and sweatpants so he wouldn’t have his mother questioning him as to why he had on so many layers of clothing on.

He gathered the scattered bits of clothing that he no longer wanted to see and stood awkwardly at the door before opening it and running to his room. He closed the door with his foot and rushed towards his closet, opening it with one hand and throwing the disgusting clothes at the bottom of it. As he contemplated on putting more clothes on, he became aware of the steady throbbing pain emanating from his temples. He had been so worked up before he hadn’t noticed his growing headache.

There was a bottle of aspirin in the kitchen, he remembered. That would help him rationalize this mess into something more…manageable. And it might lessen the other pains in his body as well.

He made his way quietly down the stairs and was surprised when he saw his mother already in the kitchen making her usual morning cup of coffee.

“Good morning, Sho-kun you’re up early” his mother said, smiling at him with joy.

“Mm, yeah just getting some water” he said a fake smile plastered across his face.

His mother smiled again and then walked away saying something about taking natsu to the park later and having all sorts of stuff to do. His fake smile disappeared in an instant and he quickly snatched up the bottle of aspirin and retreated back to his room.

That weekend was a never ending cycle of waking up from nightmares and taking far too many showers than he needed to. He would cry and stay up all night afraid to fall asleep, and the times that he did he would only wake up gasping and crying as he re-lived the nightmare over and over again.

It never ended, and he thinks that maybe it never will.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh at last chp. 2! 
> 
> Honestly, i didn't now if i wanted to continue this or not cause i felt like maybe it wasnt good enough but its okay now! i will continue this ^-^


	3. Keeping Up

The following monday morning Hinata was startled awake by the loud noise of his alarm clock making him jump up and breathe hard. He clutched at his shirt as he tried to calm his breathing, taking in slow and even breaths. His eyes wildly looked around the room as if to make sure no one was there before settling on looking at his clock. 

5:00 A.M it read. At this time hinata would be getting himself ready for school, but just the thought of going to school where a hundred other students went to made him want to curl back into a ball and wish that he could disappear. He didn't want to be seen, he didn't want to feel the intensity of people staring at him, they’d figure it out, they’d figure out that something was wrong with him and will bomber him with questions making him break even more. Hinata laid there for a good five minutes before mustering the strength to get up from his bed. 

He walked along the silent hallway and made his way towards the bathroom locking it once he got inside. He stood in front of the mirror unmoving as he took in his appearance. His hair was unkempt and ruffled, almost resembling a birds-nest. His eyes were dark, almost dead looking as the shine that was once in them was now lost. The dark bags under his eyes stood noticeably against his pasty skin, the result of not getting enough sleep the past few nights. He overall looked tired and broken down; he knew he couldn’t go to school like, his friends would notice right away. He wasn’t ready to face them all, he needed more time to try and regain himself and so he did what he could to stay home. 

For three days, hinata feigned sick. It wasn’t all that hard actually, all he had to do was announce to his mother that he wasn’t feeling too well, but what made it more believable was that he didn’t look well either. His mother had noticed how pale his skin looked and the dark rings under his eyes and allowed him to stay home. Hinata had let his mom take care of him those three days, but he couldn’t afford any more than that. He feared that if he let his ‘’head cold’’ go on, he’d break under the weight of her compassion and tell her everything. He couldn’t let that happen. So after that he forced himself to resume his life as though nothing had changed, carefully hiding his bruises from her gaze and gently easing her suspicions about his strange behavior. In those three days that he had stayed at home, hinata had sat in front of his mirror and practiced smiling. He knew he wouldn’t ever be able to smile as freely as he used to and if he wanted to keep up his act of pretending to be fine then he needed to get as close as possible to a real smile, to fool everybody into thinking that he was alright, that he had no problems whatsoever. He was going to be alright, its fine. He’s fine. 

\--

On Wednesday morning, hinata went out of his way to wear a long sleeved shirt under his uniform that day he got ready for school; he also wore thin sweatpants and long socks underneath his pants. All the layers of clothing he had on still didn’t help him feel as though the dirtiness went away. Hinata new he’d never be clean again, innocent, pure. Hours spent scrubbing himself raw in the bath taught him that, but even so he continued to scour the filth from his skin twice a day. 

Today was the first day he’d take a step out of his house since that Incident, and he was nervous or even more so scared. He was scared that he’d slip up in front of his friends making them question his odd behavior and that terrified him. He already couldn’t take the guilt of lying to his mom, but to lie in front of his friends and his team? He feared he wouldn’t be able to handle it and the last bit of control he had over his life would shatter and fall. 

“Be careful on your way to school Sho-kun” his mother said waving him off from the front porch, a smile grazing her round face. 

Hinata looked back and smiled widely as he nodded at her. It had become a lot easier to smile now but hinata felt a pang of guilt each time he did. He wished he didn’t have to lie, he wished he didn’t have to fake his smile and pretend he was okay, especially to his mother. He felt as though he had betrayed her and that hurt him deeply. 

Hinata waved back at her before proceeding to bike his way to school in the early chilly morning. The pain was still there, insistently reminding him of that night, but now it had lessened to a manageable ache he could handle now. Hinata remembered that on the 3rd day of him missing school, he had gotten a call from his Captain asking him why he’s been absent from practice for three days straight. Hinata had did his best to put on his cheerful voice and explain to him that he had a bad stomach but will be returning the following day, lucky for him his captain seemed to believe him.

His heart beat quickened as he got nearer to his school. Calm, he needed to stay calm if he didn’t want to arise any suspicion. 

‘I can do this, just act as usual, there’s nothing wrong with me’ he thought to himself and with that in mind he peddled faster towards the school.   
\--  
Kageyama would be lying if he said he wasn’t a bit angry at hinata. Scratch that, he was very angry. He didn’t know if he was mad at hinata missing school for 3 days or that he didn’t even bother telling him. They were friends right? Friends tell each other when they aren’t going to school right? So when the first day that hinata didn’t show up, kageyama was confused but just brushed it off as nothing, expecting an explanation from the boy the following day. But when said boy didn’t show up again, he felt a pang of worry but resumed his usual practice with a bit more of aggression than usual. The third day that hinata was out kageyama was worried and so was the rest of the team, it wasn’t like hinata to miss many days of practice and to be honest the team had missed having their own sunshine prancing around the court. Soon enough the captain explained to the team why hinata was out and everyone let out a relieved sigh, a smile grazing a few faces. 

And now here he was, Kageyama Tobio waiting near the bike racks in the early cold morning for hinata to show up, an unpleasant frown upon his features. He shifted from one foot to the other as minutes passed by and when he finally saw the mop of orange hair getting closer and closer he was quite relieved. He watched as hinata strode by and stopped a good foot away from him, locking his bike in place and grabbing his things. Kageyama looked over hinata and thought that he looked….different. Although he couldn’t quite think what made him look different. 

“Oi dumbass, where have you been?” he asked glancing sideways as they started walking towards class.

“Good morning to you too” hinata replied, sarcasm dripping from each word. “And didn’t captain tell you? I was out sick” 

“For three days? Yeah right, you were probably lazing around the house” 

“Was not!” 

“Was too! 

“Was not!!” 

“Was too!” kageyama yelled back, his arm reaching to grab at hinata’s head in a tight grip but was shocked when the small boy flinched and immediately pulled back. 

Hinata looked down and forced himself to calm down. It’s only kageyama, he thought. He’s my friend, he won’t hurt me ….right? 

He gave out a small laugh and smiled up at kageyama who stood there, his eyes a bit wide.

“Anyways it’s almost time for class so I’ll see you at lunch bye!” he said a bit rushed before running off. 

Kageyama stood there staring at hinata’s back as it disappeared around the corner. What was that? He thought, making his way towards his class. Kageyama had simply meant to ruffle his hair in a playful manner but as soon as his hand rose up the smaller boy looked terrified. Reaching his class, kageyama dismissed the thought from his head; he wouldn’t think any more about this matter, it was normal for hinata to react like that. But something in the back of his mind told him that it was different and he couldn’t shake that feeling away. 

\--

Every step hinata took outside was an exercise in prolonged agony. Dozens, hundreds of people swarming him, skirting over him, seeing, judging… He felt their gaze, the weight of their attention and was convinced they could see how ruined he was. Aoi’s mark on him was there, evident on every move he made, every word he said, how could the not see it?   
He knew people didn’t mean him any harm not like -he did- but even then, he felt as if anyone with desire like that was only a thought away from dragging him into an alley and doing horrific things. 

When he arrived in class, a lot of people greeted him, asked him questions. In the past, Hinata had always yearned for attention from people, but now he found himself instinctively shying away from them, flinching at the casual touches he had once craved. 

All throughout class hinata’s mind was unfocused and instead of paying attention to his teacher’s lecture he fretted over the incident he had earlier with kageyama, wondering if he had noticed his little slip up. He hadn’t meant to react that way but the moment his friend’s hand rose up he instinctively pulled back. He knew that kageyama would never hurt him in that way, he trusted him but that still didn’t help in thinking that his friend had enough power to overtake him. 

\--

Their lunch went by fast and usual, like always. Hinata was relieved that kageyama hadn’t question him about the incident earlier when they had sat at their usual spot, instead it was passed with them talking about volleyball, a few laughs here and there. For a moment hinata felt as though everything was normal, like nothing had ever happened to him but that moment of bliss was soon shattered when kageyama mentioned about practice later on today before they parted ways. 

The young boy hadn’t thought much about it, his mind was constantly crowded with the fear of people touching him and slipping up. If he went to practice he’d need to find a way to cover his bruises, he figured he could wear the sweatpants he has underneath his uniform and say he forgot his shorts. Although he’ll need to change in the bathroom instead of the locker room so they wouldn’t question him. It’s not like he could skip practice either, he had already missed too many days and his team mates would know something was up if he sat out. With that in mind he nodded to himself, relief flooding in him as he had a plan ready. This way no one will find out just how messed up he his. 

\--

When the last bell rang signaling the end of class, hinata gathered his stuff and walked quietly out of the room. Normally he would be running and jumping while making his way towards the gym, laughing and smiling as he did so. But he wasn’t normal anymore; if anything he was far from being the person he used to be. So each step he made brought him closer and closer towards the gym where he will have to out up his act once again and fool everyone into thinking nothing was wrong with him, that he wasn’t broken inside. 

He took deep breathes to calm his nerves when he rounded the corner and saw the open doors of the gym, some of his teammates already inside warming up. He clutched his hands around the strap of his bag and stepped inside the the cool air of the gym. 

“Hinata!” Sugawara yelled as he saw the small boy enter, and also gaining the attention of the other members. 

“Oiiiiiii! Hinata where ya been?” tanaka said running and stopping in front of the small boy. 

“I got sick so I stayed at home, I didn’t think it would last long though” he said giving a small laugh while discreetly moving away. His senpai didn’t seem to mind about the closeness but hinata did, he could feel the heat radiating off the other and that seemed to put him on edge.

Sugawara watched the interaction between the two and noticed how hinata had moved a good few inches away from tanaka. He also noticed how the boy would cringe at his senpai’s loud voice and the uncomfortable expression he had on. 

“Hinata” he called out, earning the attention of the small boy. “The others are getting changed why don’t you go change also? Practice is about to start” 

Hinata silently thanked him in his head as he nodded. 

“Ah! Can I use the restroom first?” He asked.

“Go ahead!” Sugawara replied and went back to taking out the equipment. He watched as hinata ran towards the restroom and he couldn’t help but think that he was acting a little differently, but he wasn’t the type to meddle into people’s business so he let it pass by. 

When hinata had finished changing and stepped out everyone was already in different parts of the gym, practicing their unique moves. No one seemed to mind about the attire that he was wearing and he was quite relieved.

“Oi, why the hell are you wearing sweats?” 

Everyone but one. 

He looked sideways to find kageyama changed and leaning against a wall. “I forgot my gym clothes at home” he smiled sheepishly. 

“Dumbass” 

“Shut up you turd!” he said sticking his tongue out. 

Kageyama rolled his eyes at the immature gesture and began walking towards the middle of the gym. “Let’s just get on with practice, you’ve missed to many days so now you need to catch up’’ 

“Yeah yeah” 

\--

Practice didn’t go well for those two as it usually did.   
Everyone had noticed how hinata’s usual high jump seemed to be a bit off and low as he tried to do practice their usual Quick strike. Every time he would jump it’s as if a boulder was dropped on him making him fall quickly to the floor. With each second passing and each quick strike failing made hinata feel as though he was bringing down the team or in a way disappointing them. He already knew that he wouldn’t be able to jump as usual for a while now but he didn’t expect for it to be this bad. He was lucky that they had no upcoming matches or else he would have really been in trouble. Although he wasn’t so lucky as to avoid kageyama’s wrath. The taller boy was annoyed at him and yelled at him for not being able to do a single quick strike, which made practice end earlier than expected. 

The team watched as hinata threw on his jacket and left without a single word. It was highly unusual for him seeing as he’s always the last one to leave with kageyama. The locker room was silent as they changed and they couldn’t shake off the feeling that it felt empty. Once the gym locked up everyone went their separate ways, including kageyama. He half expected for hinata to wait for him so they could walk together, but he was nowhere to be seen. 

Kageyama walked alone in the silent night as thoughts clouded his mind. He wasn’t sure why hinata was acting a bit differently but one thing he was certain of is that something was wrong with him. The way he was silent during practice, and how he struggled to jump and keep his balance confirmed that and kageyama was going to do anything he can to find out why.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHaha im so very sorry if this chapter sucked balls. Also Im very sorry that this took so long!! Ive been working at it this whole time but just in small parts.   
> Also i am very much happy with the comments you guys leave!! They encourage and motivate me to write more! 
> 
> Although..... I dont know if i want to continue this ;-; I had everyting planned out in my head on how i wanted this story to go but it just flew out of my head and now im sorta lost v.v Im still thinking on whether i wanna continue or not! I haven't stopped completely yet but ya know yeah. It doesn't help that my proof reader(my friend who was soppose to help me) is completely lazy and not helping me >.


	4. Silent Day

I honestly don’t have a reason as to why this is late and i am EXTREMELY sorry for the SUPER late update. I know a lot of you have been commenting and messaging me if i was going to continue this and again i’m so sorry for making you wait this long. My passion for writing fan fics have been rekindle, so hopefully i’ll start updating this story again as well as writing other one’s for other fandoms! (especially from Big Hero Six! Expect a lot of those sometime this month or next month)

This Chapter might be a bit boring and may be triggering(im sorry) but please bare with me! I’m trying to make it as realistic as possible without the pace going to slow or too fast! 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

As Hinata was biking up the hill at an incredibly fast pace, he couldn’t help feel regret at the decision he made of going home on his own. He KNEW he shouldn’t have gone alone especially this late at night, but he couldn’t withstand the pressure of his teammates questioning eyes, they weighed him down with guilt and made his stomach churned in an uncomfortable manner. So he did the only thing he knew he could. He ran. 

 

Hinata’s ragged breath blew into the night’s chilly air, his legs starting to cramp up from his previous activities and now from exerting more force in bicycling home quickly. The moon’s light was the only thing illuminating his journey home with the occasional street light posted here and there in an unusual pattern. The shadows that danced in the corner of his vision seemed to only add more to his already growing fear. His sweaty hands clenched and unclenched the worn out handle bars every so often as a way to try and release some of the tension in his body. 

 

He passed house after house until finally he came upon his own, a rush of relief flooding his body immediately at the sight of his home. The light shining from the nearest window indicated someone was still up. Most likely his mother washing up and doing some late night cleaning, the thought made his racing heart calm down a bit. He placed his bike near the gate after closing it and sluggishly trotted up the walkway to the front door, feeling emotionally and physically worn out by today’s events. Just one day back and he felt ready to give up again. He thought he’d been ready to return to his ‘normal’ life in school but that proved harder to be than he expected. 

 

When he stepped inside his house he was immediately greeted by warmth that seem to wrap around his entire body like a cozy blanket and the delicious smell of his mother’s food nearby made his stomach grumble. His muscles relaxed, the tension leaving his body as he was now in a ‘safe place’, away from the people who roamed the streets and the ‘monsters’ that lurked in the cold dark night waiting for it’s chance to attack any prey that happen to have the misfortune of stumbling in their territory. 

 

“ Sho-kun..?” He heard his mother questioned as she rounded the corner and came into his view. She looked ready for bed, her hair pulled up in a messy bun and her posture slightly swaying and to no surprise there was a wet cloth draped over her thin shoulders meaning she just finished cleaning as he suspected before. 

 

“ I left you food on the counter, it’s still warm if you’d like to eat it now.” she murmured, a yawn making its way up as she nodded her head to the side where the kitchen was in her view. 

 

“ Thanks mom, will do” he said, stopping to give his mother a good night's kiss and watching her retreat to her room before entering the kitchen. 

 

Hinata had to admit in the days he stayed home from school he had trouble trying to get his food down his throat without wanting to gag or throw it back up. It wasn’t that he was sick in the stomach or that it didn’t taste right, on the contrary his mom’s food was the best he’s ever eaten and would gladly eat anything she made for him. The problem was that he couldn’t keep it down. It felt like dead weight to him whenever he ate, he could feel it settle in the pits of his stomach and the thought alone made him want to throw up desperately. The boy knew it was a bad thing to do, but he made no effort to try and stop it, instead he’d try to eat as much as he can before he felt about ready to explode. 

 

Grabbing the warm plate perched on the counter he dragged it until it was settled in front of him. He poked around at the food with shaky hands before hesitantly picking at a piece and bringing it up to his trembling lips. Chewing slowly seemed to help ease the nausea he felt whenever it slid to the back of his throat. He repeated the process a few times and stopped after his sixth bite. 

 

“Oh god…” he whispered shakily to himself as he grabbed the edge of the counter to steady himself. The churning feeling of his stomach and the hot acid creeping up his throat made it’s presence and soon enough he rushed up the stairs and flung the bathroom door open, retching and letting everything he had eaten go to waste and down the toilet. His eyes watered and dripped down his pale cheeks and his throat burned at the after taste as he felt himself slide down to his knees. 

 

Hinata felt absolutely disgusting. 

 

He pressed his lips into a thin line as he tried to choke back a sob. His body shook and shivered violently, his eyes staring straight ahead but focused on nothing. He stayed on the ground not moving an inch, his tears dripped down from his dull-brown eyes and splattered on the cold tiled floor. After minutes of staying still, he mustered his strength and stood on shaky legs, making his way towards the bathroom door and closing it gently with the sound of a click from locking it. 

 

He flushed the toilet and avoided making contact with the sight of his dinner going down the drain. The thick black Karasuno jacket slid down his bony shoulders where it pooled on the floor near his feet, trembling fingers hesitantly curled at the hem of his shirt before pulling it up over his head. He shivered as the cold air hit his frail body and quickly made way to undress the rest of his bruised up form. 

 

Now fully bare, he turned the faucet of the shower on to a steaming hot temperature, watching the water rain down on the shower floor and the heated white mist making its way up as it quickly fogged up the mirrors. 

 

Mirrors were the one thing hinata tried to avoid at all times now.He couldn’t stand the sight of himself and always avoided gazing into his eyes knowing the dead look he’d find if he did. Whenever he so much as caught a glimpse of his body he would feel disgusted and ashamed, pulling at his clothing to try and cover already covered skin even more. However what he couldn’t avoid when changing or simply taking his usual showers was the litter of bruises scattered all throughout his lithe form, ranging from deep blackish- purple to an off-setting green yellow. The bruises served as a trigger point, reminding him of that god awful night and the result of the mistake he did, never letting his mind rest as the images played over and over again and the ghost feeling of rough hands roaming his body once again. 

 

He whimpered as he found himself thinking about that night again and quickly tried to distract himself with something else, moving his body until he found himself under the scalding temperature of the water hitting his bare and battered skin. Hinata had come to terms that no matter how many times he showered or how much soap he used and how much time he put in rubbing his skin raw until it burned into a bright red color, he would never feel clean. But even so he still tried desperately, not caring if by the end he was burning by the force he’d use in scrubbing himself. 

 

He let his thoughts wander to the previous events that happened earlier today, the heat and pressure of the water soothing his aching muscles. There was no doubt that the team knew something was up and wrong with hinata. The way he acted and his movements during practice proved something was out of balance. 

 

Hinata was starting to get tired. 

 

He could feel the stress of having to keep up with appearances start to take it’s toll on his body and mind. And with how today’s incidents played out only served to make him feel more weighed down by the pressure of normalcy. 

 

By the time he snapped back to reality the water had turned to a lukewarm temperature, and it was at that moment that he realized he’d spent a quite amount of time lost in his thoughts without rubbing at his skin to try and get rid of the filth he knew wasn’t there but couldn’t help clean anyways. Grabbing the nearest soap bar he quickly washed his body, keeping his eyes focused on the ceiling to try and avoid the clutter of bruises on his skin. 

 

Once done he slipped out of the shower and gently dried his body, being mindful of his aching bones when he slipt on several pairs of clothes on. He walked quietly back to his room and 

locked the door once inside, his mind seeming to be somewhere else. He flipped the light switch on, his heart stopping for a quick moment as he expected someone to jump out of the darkness but was relieved to find nothing but an empty clean room. 

 

Normally his room would be a mess, clean and dirty clothes mixed together and papers scattered throughout his brown wooden floor. His desk would be disorganized and piled with assignments and school books. The maroon covered bed pushed up against a corner would often be found disheveled and unmade. 

 

Now, everything was completely clean and organized, not a single thing out of place. Something his mother never would have expected from him. Cleaning his room only served as a distraction for hinata, it helped keep his mind from remembering that terrifying night. The only thing he had not clean or even so much as touch was the small pile of clothes bundled up in the far back corner of his small closet. The same clothes he had worn the night he was attacked. Each time he came into view of it he was only reminded with the bad memories and he’d freeze up and sink to the ground, clutching at his chest as he fought hard to try and steady his breathing. One would think he’d gotten rid of the clothes after what happened but he couldn’t stand the thought of touching the ruined and dirtied clothing. So he simply kept it there after having put an old worn out towel over it so he doesn’t come to view with it when rummaging his closet for his un-damaged,cleanly washed clothes. 

 

Hinata trudged towards his bed and sat at the edge of the soft mattress. He sat unmoving for a while, his eyes staring straight ahead as his mind replayed the events that happened today. Finally he let himself fall backwards, his eyes tracing the intricate patterns the light made on his ceiling. He breathed in deeply before letting a shaky sigh escape his lips, tears welling up in his eyes and spilling down the sides of his face as he clenched at the fabric by his heart. 

 

He let his eyes slowly close before his much needed sleep finally overtook him. His last thought repeating over and over again even in his dreams. 

 

‘I don’t want to do this anymore.’ 

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Annnnnd here it is, the ending of chapter 4. Again i’m sorry if it’s short, boring or anything else, i’m ESPECIALLY sorry that it’s late and i promise i’ll try to make it up to you guys by trying to update frequently. Now it won’t be every week because it got so many things going on but i assure you, you won’t have to wait like 5 months for the next chapter! 

Next chapter will have some of kageyama’s point of view so look forward on that! 

I feel bad making hinata like this and im sorry but that’s how he’s suppose to be in this story ;-; 

ALSO! I’m looking for co-writer’s and proof readers!!! If you’d like to be a co-writer of this story and help me in writing this story together or be a proof reader please contact me at my email at bringmethehorizon715@gmail.com ( i was in 7th grade when i made this dont judge me -.-) or message me on tumblr at kageyamyams.tumblr.com! Much appreciated and thank you for waiting!   
Till next time!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Does anyone else see the previous notes from chp. 1 or is it just me?

**Author's Note:**

> Ahh i'm probably going to hell after this. Again im very sorry for this
> 
>  
> 
> I'd like to thank my dear friend desiree who helped me on writing some parts of this story. You can check her out on her instagram which is dezzy155.


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